destroyer

battle between 200 years of emotions and an 11-year-old body

Your ancestors refused to

listen to my ancestors.

I told your ancestors

they needed rest,

to get off the train,

to take care of themselves,

to understand what happened to them. 

They stayed on, rushing,

didn’t heed my warnings,

said they’d deal with it later.

Now they’re gone. You’re here.

I must begin this war on

behalf of all the bodies who created you.

I come to help you release

the WEIGHT of their choices, 

choices which, now,

you are trapped inside.

I curve you, until you

r e l e a s e   t h e   t e n s i o n. 

It causes me pain. 

It bends my spine

further and further.

Doctor says it’ll

soon start pushing my lungs.

Why is this happening to me?

It’s not your fault.

Somehow you’re the cosigner

for your ancestors’ debts. 

Doctors can’t pinpoint

where I end and where you begin.

I never wanted to live in your body.

I need to push these emotions out;

it is long overdue.

I’m sorry if I

hurt you in the process. 

r e l e a s e  t h e   t e n s i o n.

Doctors want to

control it by caging it.

Why must I be caged with it?

They give me no choice.

I have to wear this

brace 20 hours a day.

I hope I get used to it. 

Don’t you DARE make me

mad by crushing me further.

I'll slow down over the next

two years so it looks

like you’re done growing.

Then I bring in my henchman.

Watch the compensatory curve double my power. 

R e l e a s e  t h e  tension   

NOW  o r   I   break   y o u . 

They said I'm

done growing.

No more cage!

They said they’ll

see me in a year…

I know it's addictive for you,

this pushing.

you sit with one leg up,

overstretching, 

working with me,

twisting with me,

because it feels good. 

I know you;

I've been with you over half your life. 

I’m not done with you.

I fool you.

I bend you 20 degrees more. 

What the FUCK! I spent

2 years in a cage to 

avoid surgery, they said

I was done growing,

they told me I was free,

now the curve progressed,

and I still have

to have surgery?????

…

The surgery worked.

I hope this is over soon. 

…

Rough recovery,

but I'm in less pain now!

Oh, now you're going

to cage me from inside?

Ha! Just wait!

Watch me bend titanium rods.

You’re out of options! 

I'm driving the train now.

From now on, I’ll send

numbness and burning pain 

down your shoulder

whenever you sit or stand too long. 

Then you’ll have to listen. 

It's been 10 years

since the surgery, and I've

had numb, tingling pain

for a few years.

I can't believe

the rods are actually bent. 

I give up! What are you

telling me, curve?!

Have you considered the

possibility I am not the enemy?

Underneath, I am the

loneliness, shame, trauma 

of those who came before you, so I push. 

But my pushing is only

a symptom of a problem.

I'm giving you an opportunity to

work with me instead of against me.

So accept me. Understand where I'm coming from. 

None of this was your fault. 

It wasn't about some backpack or posture. 

Nothing you or doctors physically did 

could have stopped me,

only slowed my progress. 

Even if I am a destroyer,

you are not crooked.

Time may heal all wounds,

but time without action destroys. 

It’s on you now to act.

Let these emotions go.